I have slowly been getting my dental health back on track since, well, since 1999, when I last had dental insurance. I had the money to have my teeth worked on while I was living in Mexico but I was scared to death to spend time in a dentist's office that looked like where they made Edward Scissorhands. Once Eric had to go to the dentist while we were in Mexico and I glanced down and saw a dental pick with fresh, bloody gum meat hanging off of it. The dentist was wild-eyed like Dr. Giggles and after he jabbed an old rusty needle into Eric's gums he tossed the needle behind his back and it went directly into the center of a dart board. Seriously...
Anyway, as I was pulling into the dentist office, Eric told me that his check wouldn't be posted until midnight tonight and we had no money. The first thing I said to the hygienist was that I had absolutely no money and could only have done what insurance paid for. Her face went completely blank and she jumped up and ran over to the woman that handles the insurance. I heard them whispering frantically and then they both peaked around the corner and gave me the stink eye. The hygienist came back and said, "Well, Donna's going to call and see what we can get done today."
A few minutes later Donna waltzed over like Dave Ramsey with her little clip board and sat down in front of me to discuss financial matters. She showed me that they could get everything done today for just $138.79. There was a full 40 seconds of silence where you could actually hear her blink. I said, “Why don't you ask that old man over there if he'll spare me $20 for a blow job and that way I can at least pay you for the oxygen I have consumed since I walked into your office.”
But seriously... I explained to her that I really didn't have any money. NONE. She just couldn't wrap her mind around this concept. “Well, we can get your periodontal done for $35.” This time I just stared at her and said nothing. I could literally see her thoughts... Hmm, well she's white, she is wearing decent clothes and oh, oh wait, she really needs to get her roots done... oh, I see it now...
She finally realized I wasn't going to budge and they quickly got me out of there. I'm confused as to why I even bother with dental insurance. I pay $20 a month, there's a $50 deductible once a year, and every single time I go it's $100. And for what? My teeth do exactly what they need to do.
So with that said, Dentists, this one's for you!!
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