October 7, 2008

Yes. I did do this to my dog. And his little shirt glows in the dark making him extra-spooky!

I haven't had anything happen to write about. On my way home today I drove right past my subdivision because I was daydreaming that I was in a spelling bee and I had to spell chateau.

Anyway, because I posted a horrible picture of myself with candy corn teeth Eric is terrified that the world will think that is how I look all of the time. Well, it is! I'm going to take a normal picture of myself but I have to master Photoshop first. I did get my rrrrroooots done so maybe I can go back to the dentist and get my teeth cleaned with dignity...

September 21, 2008

Lots to catch up on....

Wednesday I went to the Santana concert with Eric. I have a lot of pictures but I'm entirely too lazy to post them all. I drank too much to ease my crowd anxiety and Eric had to help me to the car. I looked like a muscular dystrophy patient. I had been up since 6AM and worked all day and then rushed home to go to a concert in the middle of the frickfrackin week. Concerts should only be on weekends. A Wednesday night... who does that??!! This car was sitting at the entrance to the concert. I have a feeling Eric's going to get it for my 26th birthday coming up.

Santana The Man

Moving on... I can't think of anything significant to write about that happened over the weekend. Oh wait, on my way home from work on Friday I did spend a fair amount of time wondering how snow actually happens. I'll have to research this later...

Today Jeff came over and we decided to go for a bike ride. Here's Jeff and Eric being manly.

Here's Jeff and Eric being bitches...

Here's my view riding behind Eric:

Some parts of Texas are purty...

We pulled over for a while to check out an old cemetary and woah- I sure am hot! God I'm hot!! I'm so hot that sometimes I call my cell phone from work just to ask myself out... >:)

Well, okay not really. But Eric did look at my ass and discovered some nasty gum I had managed to pick up from God only know's where. And by the way, it took great effort on my part to make my ass look this dumpy.

Some pic of us fooling around... gotta love that helmet hair...

Eventually Jeff had to head home so Eric and I stopped at a bar for some fuel. Here's a typical representation of us. Guess who's the Miller Lite and who's the chocolate shake?

A pic of Eric... how can something be so completely rotten and so cute at the same time???

That's all folks!!

September 16, 2008

Who needs insurance anyway?
I have slowly been getting my dental health back on track since, well, since 1999, when I last had dental insurance. I had the money to have my teeth worked on while I was living in Mexico but I was scared to death to spend time in a dentist's office that looked like where they made Edward Scissorhands. Once Eric had to go to the dentist while we were in Mexico and I glanced down and saw a dental pick with fresh, bloody gum meat hanging off of it. The dentist was wild-eyed like Dr. Giggles and after he jabbed an old rusty needle into Eric's gums he tossed the needle behind his back and it went directly into the center of a dart board. Seriously...

Anyway, as I was pulling into the dentist office, Eric told me that his check wouldn't be posted until midnight tonight and we had no money. The first thing I said to the hygienist was that I had absolutely no money and could only have done what insurance paid for. Her face went completely blank and she jumped up and ran over to the woman that handles the insurance. I heard them whispering frantically and then they both peaked around the corner and gave me the stink eye. The hygienist came back and said, "Well, Donna's going to call and see what we can get done today."

A few minutes later Donna waltzed over like Dave Ramsey with her little clip board and sat down in front of me to discuss financial matters. She showed me that they could get everything done today for just $138.79. There was a full 40 seconds of silence where you could actually hear her blink. I said, “Why don't you ask that old man over there if he'll spare me $20 for a blow job and that way I can at least pay you for the oxygen I have consumed since I walked into your office.”

But seriously... I explained to her that I really didn't have any money. NONE. She just couldn't wrap her mind around this concept. “Well, we can get your periodontal done for $35.” This time I just stared at her and said nothing. I could literally see her thoughts... Hmm, well she's white, she is wearing decent clothes and oh, oh wait, she really needs to get her roots done... oh, I see it now...

She finally realized I wasn't going to budge and they quickly got me out of there. I'm confused as to why I even bother with dental insurance. I pay $20 a month, there's a $50 deductible once a year, and every single time I go it's $100. And for what? My teeth do exactly what they need to do.

So with that said, Dentists, this one's for you!!

October 26, 2008

So today was a wonderful day to take the dogs out since Eric and I were both off work. We took the dogs to the park and let them become the carnivores they are. As you can see, the Great Dane is still terrified of the fat lab.




But he sure does like to swim.



The Great Dane is also terrified of the White Ghost of Death...

he may look innocent but if you've ever seen Monty Python,

then you know that looks can be deceiving...

Here's Eric, under the willow tree....

So when I was sleeping last night, some jerk stuck fat on my body and gave me chipmunk cheeks.

The Great Dane fights back!!

The Many Faces of Chihuahua

The Many Faces of The Chihuahua

October 25, 2008

Okay, so this past weekend I visited my mom in Waxahachie and brought my Royalty Chihuahua to see the love of his life Mimi. Here are some of the pics... try not to cry from the utter cuteness...

Here's Mimi:

The couples in LOVE... perhaps one day we'll get to have some wee teeny puppies!

SMOOCH TIME!! (Due to their privacy, I have left off the steamy sex parts...)

Mimi even offered Buddha a piece of her left over potato...

That's it for now. I'm pretty Millered out and I'm gonna go get me some shut-eye.

September 24, 2008

On my way home from work today it finally occurred to me why I fall down so much. I have been fed misinformation about genetics and Grandmother since my first experience with the corner of a coffee table. The truth is that my mind exists 3 days into the future leaving my body scrambling to catch up. A formula for devastation as you will soon see.

Eric mentioned this afternoon that he wanted to have some guys over on Sunday to watch the Cowboy game. The sheer delight of preparing little Cowboy themed finger foods nearly caused me to pee in my pants. I was actually visualizing sugar cookies with little sparkly blue footballs on them the moment I drank a bucket of shame.

There is a level of sophistication a woman in high heels is responsible for. You don't see ballerinas lighting their farts. As I was walking to my car with visions of Cowboy treats dancing in my head, I failed to see the curb that I was looking directly at. Suddenly my mouth was a giant "O" and I became aware of a person slowing down in their S.U.V. I imagine from their point of view they witnessed a blond bouncing out to her car, smiling blankly and then instantly crumpling to the ground with the force of a plane crash. There was that uncomfortable pause where they were consumed with shock and not knowing what to do while I rolled around on the cement.

I thought the only thing worse would have been to see one of my shoes fly off. Instead, in my attempt to catch myself, my right hand shot out and smacked the passenger side door of the white sedan next to my mini-van. It smacked so hard that it set the damn car alarm off. It's just not my style to wipe out in a public place you see. I have to announce it with a screaming car alarm. At least this caused the person in the S.U.V. to suddenly lose interest and get the hell out of there.

For the first time in my life, my body and my mind came together in an action so fast that it cannot even be explained in quantum physics. Humiliation overpowered my clarity to check for protruding bones as I slithered into the mini-van like a hunchback.

I peeled rubber out of the parking lot.

I am missing nearly all of the hot pink nail polish on my left foot. My once white heel has a massive tear in the leather. I am still burning with embarrassment as I sit here typing. The rest of the way home was spent thinking about my greasy little finger prints left on the side of that car and if the Po'po was coming to get me. Once in the system always in the system...

September 7th, 2008

So when I published my last post it screwed everything up and shifted the pictures to all the wrong places. I went back in to edit but everything was deleted! WTF?

Eric's watching the Cowboys hand the Brown's their asses. Anyway, I'm too lazy to write now, so here is the continuance from the other day...

Chihuahua refusing to smile for the camera. This is under our bed where you can find anything that has been missing. He knows no one can get into "his things" if he hides them here.

"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!!" Samson is actually saying, "OOOoooogggggwwwwwooooowwwrrrr" which translates, "C'mon Dad, let's go to the park, and you should probably take mother out to a fancy returant for dinner..."

I know, I photograph my dogs more than anything in this world. It's because I don't have any children, and if I did, I would beat them and make them clean my house and go to work.

The Chihuahua is barely taller than the grass.

Bailey tries to trick Samson into stepping into the deep end...

Beautiful Old Yella Dog...

I'll have to post more later. I need to get my ass to bed. Early day tomorrow...

September 4th, 2008

Anyone that knows me doesn't expect much during the Devil's season. This of course being summertime. I become a recluse and a depressed one at that. Having scottish/german/french blood made me white and moley and loving cold weather. I also allow myself to become ridiculously fat during the summer as I self medicate with food and reason the heat to be the culprit for not exercising. However yesterday brought about a promise of a new season. We had a cold front push through and my energy came back. I was out of my pajamas before noon. I even bolted out of bed to take a picture of the suburbian sunrise.

The best part of the day was hearing from my brother Noel. His wife Amanda (who went into labor on Labor Day) delivered a wee teeny beautiful baby girl named Waimea (Why-may-uh). Amanda is Hawaiian and named her daughter after the famous beach in Hawaii. I am officially an Aunt! I'll post pictures when I get them. Thank you little brother for getting our parent's attention off of my non-producing loins for a while. Whewwww!!

You know I'm in a good mood when I start taking pictures again. Here are some from yesterday:
Bailey's Recliner

The Chihuahua (Buddha) considers
himself royalty and typically lays around
the house like a cat. He loves to watch Eric
and Samson grill. And yes, our Great Dane

actually helps Eric grill.

We polished off our grilled chicken and watched a storm come in. I was in bed by 9:30 because I wanted to get up early this morning to suck up the little bit of cool air that was left.

View from our front door. Check out the airborn chihuahua:

This morning called for donuts. I sprung out of bed like Jim Carey in Bruce Almighty. At 8:30 I was at DONUTS ordering $13 worth of the fried yummies. This is after we tore into them. I washed it all down with a half gallon of chocolate milk. Sometimes I think that all I need in this world to be completely happy is Fall, donuts and chocolate milk.

Here is one of my favorite pictures. A scene I see every single day from my corner of the couch. I love all of it except Eric's smoking. Blegh!!

We told the dogs we were going to take them to the park if they were on their best behavior. Chihuahua ran around and picked up all of his toys including my silver polishing cloth that has been missing for months and an old pair of panties that had magically disappeared from the laundry basket. Bailey is always good but I noticed that he made an effort to hold his breath so we didn't get blasted with his halitosis. He's very sensitive about that so I never brought it up. Samson just climbed on the bed and gave me his pitiful "thanks for noticing me" look.



Anyway, enough for today. I'll post the rest of the pictures later!