May 24, 2009

A little cash office humor.

I always feel like,

Somebody's watching me...

I haven't slept in about 6 days. My insomnia is back with a vengeance. We recently switched from Dish Network to AT&T U-Verse. The new AT&T box has a tiny flashing green light that torments me every night. I can't help myself- I have to stare at it and count how many times it flashes. I'm concerned with the irregularity of the flashes and wonder if that means something? In order to stop obsessing, I try to count backwards in Spanish from 100 in my head but somewhere along the way I have to peek to see if the light has changed. I rigged up a cover with a shredded dog toy and a book but then I stared at it worrying that covering up the vents would start a damn fire and the whole neighborhood would go up in smoke and baby birds would die all because I tried to avoid the little green flashing light!

Then I had to pee again. I drank one tablespoon of water before I went to bed but had to pee three different times. What the hell is that? I used the opportunity to down 2 melatonin but nothing would grant me entry into Dreamland.

There's nothing an insomniac hates more than a f**ker who can sleep on command like my husband. He'll get up in the middle of the night, eat a pineapple and then go right back to bed without ever disturbing his sleep. He wakes up singing opera and I wake up looking like a character from a Tim Burton movie. Then I get to go to work and count all day. Sometimes Julia catches me just starring at the vault.

"You gonna open that?"

"uhh... quiche?" I take insomninaps during the day with my eyes open. Julia has gotten use to my nonsense as I, her cabbage farts. I'm off work tomorrow for the love of God, so maybe I can get some rest. I use to know a guy who would say that all the time. "For the love of God." We'd be driving past a restaurant where everyone was out on the patio eating their Mexican food and drinking margarita's and he'd roll down the window violently and scream in a Metallica voice, "Enjoy your dinner for the love of God!"

... getting punchier by the minute...